Conductor:

Leaps tall buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a locomotive

Is faster than a speeding bullet

Walks on water

Gives policy to god

Trombone player:

Leaps short buildings in a single bound

Is more powerful than a switch engine

Is just as fast as a speeding bullet

Walks on water if sea is calm

Talks with god

Bass Clarinet player:

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds

Is almost as powerful as a switch engine

Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet

Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool

Talks to god if special request is approved

Flute player:

Rarely clears a  one-man tent

Loses tug-of-war with locomotive

Can fire a speeding bullet

Swims well

Is occasionally addressed by god

Bass player:

Makes marks on the wall when trying to clear short buildings

Is run over by a locomotive

Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury

Dog-paddle

Talks to animals

Saxophone player:

Runs into buildings

Recognizes locomotives 2 times out of 3

Is not issued any ammunition

Can stay afloat with a life jacket

Talks to walls, argues with himself

Clarinet player:

Too afraid too jump building because of their reed

Works in locomotives

Too busy with reed for gun

Throws reed into water

Thinks reed is god

Trumpet player:

Argues with building when it won't get out of the way

Sleeps in locomotive

Claims it's too easy to catch bullets in teeth when explaining why he

can't do it right now

Saves water to drink after every triple C

Thinks he's god.

Tuba player:

Doesn't really exist

Plays silently

Is really mime in disguise

Believes there is no god

Drummer:

Falls over the doorstep when trying to enter buildings

Says "look at the choo-choo"

Wets himself with a water pistol

Plays in mud puddles

Loses arguments with himself

Horn player:

Lifts buildings and walks under them

Kicks locomotives off the tracks

Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them

Freezes water with a single glance

Is god